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Start By Setting a Date |
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| Date Added: January 28, 2010 12:40:16 AM | |
| Author: salli hollenzer | |
| Category: Society: Advice | |
Start By Setting a DateDespite the fact that I was the spouse that initiated divorce, the transition from married to divorced was not an easy one for me. In the beginning I felt the need to explain myself to everyone I knew. As word got around that I was separating from my former spouse, the dissolution of my marriage seemed like the only thing I talked about no matter who I was with. I suppose the process of divorce kind of shocks the system--like being in a terrible car accident; for awhile I was probably incapable of talking about anything else.But gratefully, within a short period of time, even I got tired of hearing "the story". My divorce occurred in October and, as the end of the year approached, I decided on a tactic that worked well for me. I wrote out a short response to give to people whenever the subject came up in conversation; being prepared with a courteous answer to well-meaning and caring folks who asked about the details, without disclosing all the unfortunate specifics, was a great solution. After all, my intent really wasn't to defame or discredit my former spouse, so going on about my issues wasn't really what I wanted to do--I just wanted people to know that there had been a change in my life. The reality was that I hadn't planned, before my divorce, on how to deal with public awareness issues, so the first few months just kind of happened. So I set a date--January 1st. When that day dawned, I deliberately changed my approach and chose to spare the world, and myself, the repetition of the details. And it worked! I stopped talking about it and most people stopped asking. If someone in my life did bring up the subject, I merely affirmed the news was correct and that circumstances had all worked out for the best. To do this I had to gain confident conviction in my decision and people simply had to trust that I had made the best choice for myself and my family. Once I stopped talking about it all, I was suddenly free to move on. I didn't feel the need to make sure everyone knew everything I knew; they didn't need to--it wasn't their business. Stopping the talk, stopped my ruminating and allowed me to turn the page in my life. And that felt really good. |
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